


For Six Years And Nine Months (Only Girls Get It)

by orphan_account



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Bears, Crack, Cravings, Elephants, Emotional, Gen, Hedgehogs, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Inspired by Music, Isolation, Lions, Menstruation, Mood Swings, PMS, Parody, Periods, Song Lyrics, Song Parody, Songfic, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-02 23:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12736371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Featuring (human) Pokémon girls on Sharpedo Week (get it?). Boys, this could teach you about the wonders on PMS, so be prepared for a wild crash course.





	For Six Years And Nine Months (Only Girls Get It)

**Author's Note:**

> Something very cute and silly off from the top of my head after [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sq-j03_Tr4M) got stuck in my head a few months back. The consequence of such a unique ear worm: a songfic.
> 
> My first "proper" songfic. Only time will tell to see how it goes...

The great thing about your regularly scheduled menstrual cycle is, that it's a sign that you are healthy, and that your body is healthy too. And you're not pregnant!

...Yeah, those are pretty much the _only_ good things about your period. The rest uhhh, heh... it's not so pleasant. In fact, no, it's not pleasant at all.

Cramps, bloating, headaches, acne, being afflicted with constipation or diarrhea, having to choose between either shoving a cotton stick/a silicone cup/whatever into your vagina at the cost of being at the risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome or wearing sticky lady diapers on your panties so that your uterus lining tearing itself apart doesn't make puddles on the floor, on your clothes, and on your bed... And don't even get me started on those faux Goodnites for heavy flow that you can pretty much only purchase in Mainland China because the West is likely to be turned off by the sheer concept!

...Sorry for rambling, but that's not even scratching the surface on your overall inconvenience and waste of money. Oh no, those were just the _physical_ symptoms!

But just talking about those _psychological_ symptoms directly would be... _so_ unbearable, right? Hmmm... to make things easier for us, let's have a look at some girls from the Pokémon universe for some great examples of our monthly struggles. I mean, when you think about it, this stuff even applies in fictionland. (Remember Lina Inverse? Asuka Langley Soryu? Oh, I'm sorry. Kids these days aren't into 90s anime.)

(Cue the BGM!)

First up, the most common sign that it's coming soon: getting mad at every slightest thing at comes your way. Ring a bell?

Oh yeah, check out little blonde trainer Lillie right here, strolling Hau'oli City. One of the sweetest girls that you'll ever meet! ...Unless her period is scheduled for arrival in a few days; otherwise, keep your distance.

It all started with her getting irritated at a Litten for bumping into her during her walk, then feeling angrier at the sight of a happy couple sitting on a bench together, and finally, when Hau cheerfully greeted her (clearly having not noticed her stern face) and tried to offer her a sour malasada, she snapped and began screaming at him in utter fury at the top of her lungs, scaring him off and attracting the unwanted attention of nearby citizens. By the time Lillie finally calmed down, she felt very silly; she usually never outbursts over something so insignificant. And she felt even worse when she overhead some passerbys whisper to each other nasty things like "She's a demon", and "Crazy bitch...".

You know that whenever you try and touch a hedgehog without warning, you'll get a nasty, spiky surprise. So, for the most part, leave them alone until they naturally just come over to you.

  
_That day, a girl became a Togedemaru_  
_But not just any Togedemaru_  
_A grumpy, edgy, prickly_  
_Togedemaru_

The next day, a remorseful Lillie came up to Hau and apologized for being such a bitch the other day. Don't worry; Hau is a _very_ forgiving boy who just laughs his problems off.

  
_For six years and nine months_  
_For six years and nine months_

Another most common symptom to Aunt Flo's arrival: wanting to eat anything edible your eyes lie upon, as long as it's all greasy, sweet, or both. Sure, there's girls who feel like they want to vomit upon even smelling food, but we're going to just speak about the polar opposite here.

Aah, Lusamine. Quite a (usually) proud over-40-years-old mother of two beautiful children who always works hard, maybe even a little too much. It's always nice for the president of the Aether Foundation to relax at her opulent home. But, because it was almost _that_ time, something inside of her was telling her to do one thing: eat.

Having turned into a human garbage disposal, so many things just sounded so good to her, like, right now! Feeling her stomach gurgle, Lusamine quickly got out of her bed, went up to the refrigerator, and opened it up. First she ate some Krispy Komala® donuts and some pizza, and then she ate some Beartic & Jynx's® ice cream; and then, despite feeling rather fat, she went to look for some dark chocolate.

Plenty of Pokémon out there have huge appetites, but not one of them could ever beat a big, scary black bear in an eating contest.

  
_That day, a girl became a Snorlax_  
_But not just any Snorlax_  
_A starving, craving, hungry_  
_Snorlax_

Let's just say that, the poor lady got a nasty stomachache into the night. Believe me, I do _not_ want to describe what happened when she went to the bathroom a couple hours later.

  
_For six years and nine months_  
_For six years and nine months_

When mother and daughter are both together, the Togedemaru's defense mechanism startles the Snorlax! Lusamine is often unprepared for when Lillie suddenly snaps, which certainly isn't helped by Lusamine's embarrassing coddling.

  
_Why are these girls turning into Pokémon?_  
_It's because it is a time of month_  
_And that's just how they feel_

Ever wonder why you cry more often before your period? Yeah, well...

Professor Burnet, researcher of dimensions and Pokémon's dreams, one day moved to Alola and got married. She's quite the headstrong and independent woman... most of the time.

The poor Doctor couldn't focus on her studies. Just thinking about what kind of wonderful dreams that sleeping Pokémon are having made her quite emotional already, despite not having too many records of crying over such a thing before. She was starting to become clingy and restless. She wanted just someone to be stay with her before she got so overwhelmed. As soon as she heard her husband, Professor Kukui, come home, she just flung herself at him like he had just come back from being drafted into the army. She nuzzled her face in his chest as tears freely rained down her cheeks, as she wailed uncontrollably; he was jumpscared at first, but then he embraced her back and stroked her head.

Elephants in general are _very_ sensitive, intelligent creatures. They also can grieve, hold grudges, and yes, cry for hours just like humans can.

  
_That day, a girl became a Donphan_  
_But not just any Donphan_  
_A fragile, crying_  
_Donphan_

Good thing that he didn't mind. But she did. She would rather be working, not be a soggy mess once a month!

  
_For six years and nine months_  
_For six years and nine months_

Believe it or not, social withdrawal can actually be another symptoms for PMS. Not many people talk about this one, so bet'cha didn't know about it, did you?

Little Lana, always with her water Pokémon with dedication! But on some certain days... she just doesn't want to go out.

She would sulk and pout while others were having fun. She would tell everyone to go away. She would ignore her friends, as they stared in concern. The blue-haired girl holes herself up in her room, hiding under her covers, as her Araquanid tried and help her come out to be as her normal self. And futhermore, due to her unwillingness to wear tampons, she doesn't want to risk feeling even more discomfort by being with water and even more water, if you catch my drift.

Even though Lionesses are usually pack animals, even they need some time alone once inside their cave in a while. But the way they communicate involves startling loud roars, baring pointy teeth, and sharp claws, which... are probably not the best way to show your honest feelings.

  
_That day, a girl became a Pyroar_  
_But not just any Pyroar_  
_A reclusive, lonely_  
_Pyroar_

Oh, the sheer _irony_. Anyway, Lana was fortunately back to usual the next day as if nothing had happened; all of her friends agreed to never bring up the topic of her yesterday's behavior ever again.

  
_For six years and nine months_  
_For six years and nine months_

In an attempt to get their moods back up, the Donphan tried to just talk to a moody Pyroar, to little avail. Professor Burnet felt slightly better whenever she got a chance to speak with trainers, but Lana would just shy away from the compliments.

  
_Why do girls become Pokémon? (For six years and nine months)_  
_'Cause even though it's only once a month_  
_A one-off time--it all adds up to that_

There are just so many, many more examples that could be told. The bad news is, there's over 800 species of Pokémon themselves, so explaining all the similes and metaphors would take forever; it would be a nightmare!

  
_It's long, but precious time_  
_So don't spend it stressing out_  
_We want you to feel like you_

Huh? There's suddenly the feeling the fourth wall got broken...

  
_A Togedemaru_  
_Snorlax_  
_Pyroar_  
_A Donphan crying (boo-hoo!)_

To you two teenagers and two adults that I spoke about in this story, it looks like the magical song lyrics here really mean it!

  
_You're a truly nice, normal girl_  
_So for six years and nine months_  
_Spend it smiling_  
_Spend it shining_  
_That's what we're all about!_

Hey, the original people singing this song actually mean all that for girls around the world, too!

**Author's Note:**

> With thanks to the Unicharm brand Sofy, for providing us with their period therapy song (and feminine hygiene products!).
> 
> And with thanks to this tumblr user's [ period headcanons!](https://poke-reads.tumblr.com/post/167361563916/12-days-until-pokemon-ultra-sun-and-moon-release) (With one of my own in the notes)


End file.
